EBSA: helping anxious pupils back into school

You know the names on the list. The pupil whose attendance has slipped from the odd Monday to most of the week. The parent who rings every morning in tears because they can't get their child out of the car. The tutor who has tried everything and is quietly running out of ideas. And behind them, the attendance figures you're asked to explain.

Emotionally based school avoidance can be one of the hardest pastoral challenges a school faces, because it sits at the meeting point of anxiety, family life, learning and wellbeing. There's no quick fix, but small, consistent changes can help. This guide is for SENCOs, heads, pastoral leads and anyone supporting anxious pupils, and it's drawn from my work with children, parents and teachers on managing big emotions.

What emotionally based school avoidance is (and isn't)

Emotionally based school avoidance, or EBSA, describes children and young people who struggle to attend school because of emotional factors, most often anxiety. You may also hear it called school refusal, though many schools have moved away from that term because it suggests a deliberate choice.

EBSA is:

• Driven by distress, not defiance. The pupil usually wants to be able to come in but can't manage it.
• Usually visible to parents, who are often trying hard to get their child to school.
• Complex. It typically involves a mix of factors in school, at home and within the young person.

EBSA isn't:

• Truancy, where a pupil chooses to miss school and often hides it from home.
• A diagnosis. It's a description of a pattern of behaviour, not a condition.

Since the pandemic, school leaders have been talking about EBSA far more openly. Whatever the reasons behind an individual pupil's struggle, the response that helps is the same: early, curious and kind.

Early signs staff can spot

The earlier EBSA is noticed, the easier it tends to be to turn around. Ask staff to look out for:

• Patterns in absence: particular days, lessons, or the start of the week or term
• Frequent visits to the medical room with headaches, stomach aches or feeling sick
• Lateness that's getting worse, especially if the pupil seems distressed on arrival
• Changes in behaviour: withdrawal, tearfulness, irritability, or a pupil who seems to be "holding it together" with great effort
• Avoiding specific situations, such as assemblies, the canteen, PE or presenting to the class
• Parents mentioning a hard morning at the gate or in a phone call

Give staff a simple, low-effort way to share what they notice with the pastoral team. A quick, consistent note on your usual system beats a detailed report that never gets written. It's the patterns across several adults that tell the story.

What helps pupils come back

There's no single strategy that works for every pupil, but the most helpful approaches share a few principles: safety, predictability, connection and small steps.

Understand before you plan. Talk with the pupil, at a calm time and with an adult they trust, about what feels hard. Use simple prompts, scales or drawing for younger children. What makes school feel difficult? What makes it a bit easier? What would a good day look like? Their answers are your plan.

Name a key adult. One familiar person who greets the pupil, checks in during the day and is the go-to when things feel overwhelming can make a real difference. Consistency matters more than seniority.

Make arrival easier. Mornings are often the hardest part. Consider a quieter entrance, a slightly earlier or later start to avoid the rush, or a calm first activity, such as helping set up a classroom or a few minutes in a familiar space.

Agree a safe space. Somewhere the pupil can go when anxiety rises, with a clear, discreet way of asking to go there, and an agreed route back to lessons.

Build a gradual return plan. Break the return into small, achievable steps and move forward at a pace the pupil can manage. That might start with a visit after school, then a single lesson, then a morning. Celebrate each step. If a step is too big, step back and try a smaller one rather than starting from scratch.

Teach regulation skills. Pupils benefit from practical ways to settle their bodies and minds: slow breathing, grounding exercises, movement breaks, naming feelings. These work best when they're practised during calm moments, so they're familiar when they're needed.

Look at the wider picture. Check whether unmet learning or sensory needs, friendships or particular lessons are involved, and adjust where you can.

Review regularly. Short, frequent reviews with the pupil and family keep the plan responsive.

Working with parents

Parents of a pupil with EBSA are often exhausted, frightened and worried about being judged. Some may feel they've already been blamed. Building trust with them is one of the most important things a school can do.

• Start with empathy. Acknowledge how hard mornings are before you talk about attendance.
• Agree one point of contact, so parents aren't repeating their story to different staff.
• Share the plan in writing, with clear, small steps and named people.
• Agree what happens on hard mornings, so parents know who to call and what to do, rather than facing the decision alone.
• Celebrate small wins with them, so they feel able to keep going.
• Signpost support for the family, including the GP and the YoungMinds Parents Helpline (free on 0808 802 5544).

If it would help to share something with parents, my article for families on what to do when a child is too anxious to go to school is written with them in mind.

Looking after the staff too

Supporting pupils with EBSA is emotionally demanding. Staff may feel helpless, frustrated or caught between pastoral care and attendance targets. A key adult carrying several anxious pupils can quietly become overwhelmed themselves.

Leaders can help by:

• Making sure key adults have protected time, not just good intentions
• Creating space for staff to talk through hard cases with colleagues and the SENCO
• Being clear that progress may be slow and uneven, and that this isn't a failure
• Giving staff shared language and practical tools for managing big emotions, including their own

Calm adults help children feel calm, so staff wellbeing is part of the support, not separate from it.

When to get more support

School-based support is often the heart of the response, but it isn't always enough on its own. Involve the school SENCO early, and encourage families to speak to their GP, particularly if a pupil's distress is severe, lasting, affecting eating or sleep, or if there are any concerns about self-harm. The GP can consider a referral to CAMHS. The YoungMinds Parents Helpline offers advice to parents and carers. Always follow your safeguarding procedures where there are concerns about a child's safety.

Coaching and training can strengthen what your school does, but they are not a substitute for clinical or mental health services.

Staff training and workshops: bring this to your school

I've spoken at the Tes SEND Show on managing big emotions, and I work with children, parents and teachers to build practical, compassionate ways of supporting young people. I can run staff training and workshops on managing big emotions, supporting anxious pupils, and having those difficult conversations with families. Sessions combine positive psychology, storytelling and practical exercises staff can use straight away.

How I can help

Every school is different, so I start by listening to what your staff and pupils need, then shape a session around your setting, whether that's whole-staff training, a pastoral team workshop or support for parents. Organisations I've worked with include Twinkl and Ecolint (International School of Geneva).