You've climbed the ladder. So why don't you want to be at the top?

You've got the title, the salary and the respect you worked so hard for. On paper it all looks right. Yet you wake up on a Monday with a heaviness you can't quite explain, and some days you sit in meetings wondering how you ended up here and whether this is really it.

You might feel guilty for even thinking it. Plenty of people would love your job. But the feeling doesn't go away just because you tell it to. If this is where you are, you may be in what people call a midlife career crisis, and it's far more common, and far more useful, than it feels right now.

This isn't a sign that you've failed. It's often a sign that something important has changed in you, and your work hasn't caught up.

The view from the top isn't what you expected

For many years, the next rung gives you direction. There's always a promotion to aim for, a qualification to finish, a bigger team to lead. The climb itself gives you energy and a clear sense of progress.

Then you arrive, and the work at the top turns out to be different from the work that got you there. You might notice:

• You spend most of your time in meetings, politics and reporting, and very little doing the work you loved.
• The things that used to excite you, the hands-on problem solving or the time with clients, have been handed to other people.
• Success feels flat. A big win lands, and within a day you're back to the same restless feeling.
• You're good at the job, but you're no longer sure you like the person it asks you to be.
• You're tired in a way that rest doesn't seem to fix.

Being successful but unfulfilled is a confusing place. You've done everything you were told would make you happy, so it's natural to wonder what's wrong with you. Usually, nothing is.

Why a midlife career crisis so often hits around 40

There's nothing magic about a particular birthday. But this stage of life tends to bring several things together at once.

You've had time to build something. By now you've usually got enough experience to see your career clearly, including the parts you'd rather not repeat for the next couple of decades.

Your priorities shift. Family, health, ageing parents or simply a sense of time passing can change what matters to you. What felt essential in your twenties may feel much less important now.

The goals you set were set by a younger you. Many of us chose our careers early, sometimes to please others or to feel secure. Reaching those goals can reveal they were never quite yours.

Tiredness catches up. Years of long hours and pushing through can leave you drained. Career burnout at 40 can look a lot like boredom or loss of meaning, and it's worth being honest with yourself about which is which.

It's not ingratitude, it's misalignment

If you're feeling guilty, you might be telling yourself, "I should be grateful." You can be grateful and still unhappy. The two aren't opposites.

What's often going on is misalignment. Your values, the things that genuinely matter most to you, no longer match how you spend your days. You might value creativity and spend your time managing budgets. You might value connection and feel isolated at the top of a hierarchy. You might value freedom and find your diary owned by everyone else.

When your work and your values pull in different directions, even a good job can feel wrong. The upside is that misalignment is something you can understand and work with. If you'd like a place to start, my practical guide on how to find your core values walks you through an exercise.

Questions worth asking yourself

Before you make any big decisions, it helps to get curious. Set aside some quiet time and write your answers down, rather than just thinking them through.

• When in my working week do I feel most like myself? When do I feel least like myself?
• What parts of my job would I happily keep if I could change everything else?
• If I imagine doing exactly this for the next decade, what do I feel in my body?
• Whose expectations am I living up to: mine, my family's, my profession's or someone else's?
• What did I love doing before work took over most of my time?
• What am I afraid would happen if I changed direction?
• What am I tolerating that I've stopped noticing?

You don't need neat answers. Patterns usually show up when you look back at what you've written over a week or two.

What to do next (without burning it all down)

When you don't enjoy your job any more, the temptation can be to hand in your notice and start again. Sometimes that's right. Often, though, there's a calmer route that keeps your options open.

Change the job before you change the career. Could you reshape your role? Delegate the parts that drain you, take back some of the work you love, or move sideways into a role that uses more of your strengths.

Run small experiments. Try out a new interest on a small scale: a course, a side project, a conversation with someone doing work you're curious about. Small tests tell you far more than endless thinking.

Look after your energy. If you're exhausted, decisions about your future will feel heavier than they need to. Protect your sleep, your time off and the things that restore you.

Talk it through. Reassessing your career at 40 is hard to do alone, because you're too close to it. A trusted friend, a mentor or a coach can help you see what you can't.

Give yourself permission. You're allowed to want something different. You're allowed to change your mind about what success looks like.

If you are thinking seriously about a move, my article on how to change career at 40 without starting from scratch covers the practical steps.

How I can help

In my 1:1 coaching, I help professionals who are unhappy in a senior role work out what's really going on and what they want next. We look at your values, your strengths and what's pulling you in different directions, using evidence-based coaching models and practical exercises. You don't have to have the answer before we start. Find out more about 1:1 coaching with me.